And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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