I bet he comes in French.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
