We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
