people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
