I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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