Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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