Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
