Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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