i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
