So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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