im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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