what day is it and did you see me today?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
