WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
