I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
