My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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