dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
