I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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