is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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