I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
