Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
