I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
