You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
