Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he thought i was a dude.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
