Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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