some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
