I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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