security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
