Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
