Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
