its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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