That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
