I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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