I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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