the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
