the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
