I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
