Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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