actually, I'm a sock model
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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