it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
