Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She bit a glass in half.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
