i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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