my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
