Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
