Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
