I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
