That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
