Little spoons don't ask big questions
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
