I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
