She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
