Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
