I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
